Ask Mrs. Bun

ASK MRS. BUN ... about social matters

from Volume 8, Number 3

I live in a house with ten other bunnies and one bunny slave. The other bunnies don't like me, and the bunny slave is really not the best slave in the world. She frequently has to be disciplined to even pet me in a timely fashion. What can I do about this bunny slave?

Lighten up! This poor slave has eleven rabbits to care for. The best thing to do would be to suggest to your slave that she take you to a vet for a little operation that will ease the demands of your hormones for constant sensual attention.

Column from Volume 8, Number 1:

What is it with these silly humans? They get up in the morning, get dressed, and then leave me alone all day long. So to amuse myself, I taste test various things around the house - the entertainment center, the computer desk, the baseboards, the newspaper, and the boxes left over from Christmas that they haven't thrown away yet. When they come home, instead of worshipping me and giving me love and food, they get all upset and then put me in my cage. What is going on, and how can I make them see the error of their ways?

You have to understand humans don't have the same values and appreciate the same things that we do. They can never know the pleasure of sinking your teeth into a fine oak baseboard. What they don't understand is that rabbits have special needs, and that those needs must be satisfied. Putting you in your cage isn't going to make the need go away. Does your human keep toys around for you - balls and rings and boxes and baskets? If not, does your human leave things like this laying around? You could casually start nibbling on one of these while your human is around. Make sure he sees you and realizes that this is a good toy for you to play with. If he can start providing you with yummy toys, you may be having so much fun that you don't want to chew on the furniture.

I keep hearing the humans talk about this thing called "Easter," and an "Easter" bunny who delivers eggs to children. Where does the bunny get these eggs? At the grocery store? I don't know about the "Easter" bunny, but I am incapable of laying eggs. Can you give me the scoop?

Don't worry, the Easter bunny is as normal as you and me. He gets his eggs at HEB in Round Rock. The holiday that the humans call Easter, though, is as far as I can tell is only an opportunity for a giant chocolate binge. The adults buy the children chocolate in the shape of rabbits and stuffed animal rabbits (some evil humans buy their children live baby bunnies). The adults buy other adults these really disgusting chocolate things called "Cadbury" eggs, with yellow goop in the middle. They also hold these giants events called "Easter Egg Hunts," where humans hide the eggs and have children go find them. So there is nothing wrong with you, unless you decide to eat some of the chocolate. It will give you a really bad tummy ache.

My human recently brought home this scratching, hissing, tiny little ball of fluff that she has been keeping in a box in her room. It looks like a bunny, only it has short ears and a long tail. What is it, and how do I become friends with it once it quits scratching and hissing?

Last I checked, creatures with short ears and long tails that act like that were called cats. The baby cats are called kittens, and exhibit the kind of behavior that you are seeing. They too are soft and furry and fun to cuddle with, if introduced properly. You can learn about how to introduce rabbits to cats from the HRRN information sheet "Introducing Rabbits to Other Pets," also available on the HRRN website. While it may scratch and hiss now, patience on your part will provide hours of companionship later.

Column from Volume 6, Number 3:

I really need some help with my holiday decorations. The humans hang up all these lights on Christmas trees and then surround them with boxes that have shiny paper on them. When I try to chew on these boxes and lights (I am Bunny, therefore I Chew), the humans get upset and put me back in the cage.

What can I do to make my holidays more festive?

Humans have a certain fondness in their hearts for the holiday season that seems to blind them to certain realities of life, i.e. bunnies that chew. You might suggest to your human the following things: cover the cords for the Christmas lights, block off the tree so you can't get to it to chew (I know, I know, but it's for the best), if using tinsel, don't use it where you can get to it and accidentally swallow it and provide you some chewing alternatives during the holidays. Maybe you can have the boxes once they have been opened. Or maybe, best of all, your humans can get you your own box with non-toxic shiny paper that you can open before Christmas!

What are your thoughts about why, when I take a drink from my water bottle (quietly), suddenly all the other rabbits [in the same room] are thirsty and start drinking too?

They are so-o-o loud that often our slave, I mean caregiver, appears on the scene to see what all the racket is about. Days aren't so bad, but it seems the noise is less well received during those hours when humans sleep.

Would be interested in any feedback.

Humans are susceptible to this principle of suggestion, as well. Ever see what happens when one of a group says, "Excuse me - I need to powder my nose."? Soon, there's quite a rush to flush.

Column from Volume 5, Number 4:

I am really disgusted with my human. I like for him to pick me up and sit me on his lap and pet me, and every time he picks me up he quakes in fear that he will hurt me. How can I get him to quit doing this so I can enjoy my petties?

What your human needs is a little directed practice in picking you up properly so he won't feel so unsure about it. He could find someone who is experienced in handling pet rabbits and ask them to show him a few pointers and watch him practice. A perfect time for this would be the HRRN Rabbit Tuneup on November 15. He can take you along to learn more about how to handle, groom, and care for you properly.

Also, your human should mellow out. Tell him to try to get into a calm frame of mind before trying to pick you up. He may not realize how much he is communicating his fear to you, or how much it bothers you. He should think calm thoughts, take deep breaths, or use whatever technique works for him before picking you up.