Ask Mrs. Bun

ASK MRS. BUN ... about sex and relationships

Because you are a lagomorph of experience, I would appreciate your opinion. I am a 5 month old New Zealand male and have my eye on a 7 month old New Zealand female who is looking for a home. I live with an indoor warren of rabbits but I certainly am well enough off to afford my own condo. I don't date casually and am interested in a long-term relationship.

Aside from possible astrological differences, can you foresee any difficulties I might encounter? You should know I do not want children and have already taken the necessary measures to prevent adding to our overpopulation.

Thanks for your insight.

Aside from the usual getting-to-know-each-other sniffing, chasing and nipping, I don't see much of a problem for you young lovers. Well, there is one thing, but it's kind of a delicate topic. Ahem. Has your prospective mate had steps taken to prevent baby bunnies, as you so responsibly have?

Even though you all might be able to make only beautiful music together, her ovaries produce hormones related to what we rabbits do best - making more rabbits. The problem is that, in her sure-to-be passionate devotion to you, her body will send her signals that she's with bunny, even when it's impossible. She will become irritable and unpredictable. (You would too if you began to lactate and had no bunnies to relieve the pressure.) Also, she may be either unusually aggressive or timid.

Then there's the most obvious effect. She will nest. Gathering hay and ripping fur from her own underside, she'll pile this bedding in a handy corner, a litterbox, your human's bed, anywhere that strikes her fancy as a good place for the blessed event. This creates quite a mess, as you can imagine.

The false pregnancy can last a few days to more than a week. With some girls, it happens only occasionally. In others, it occurs on a regular basis. Aside from the effect on those around her, your mate will also find the experiences stressful. I know I did, in the years before my ovohysterectomy.

In the interest of her peace of mind, family harmony, and keeping her belly fur where it belongs, I suggest your future partner get the big S by an experienced vet. She'll still have those warm, fuzzy feelings for you, if you know what I mean, but without the hormonal moods.

Column from Volume 7, Number 4:

I am a 2 year old neutered male Rex who is looking for a serious relationship. Would you know of any rabbit dating services in this area?

You're in luck! Austin happens to have a bunny dating service, with over 200 members. Would you like just one female to share your time with (or one male), or would you be interested in group activities? You can meet make an appointment with our bunny matchmakers by calling 444-EARS, or going to our website, www.rabbitresource.net. One of our matchmakers will get in touch with you to find out your preferences so that we can match you with the most compatible companion for you. Let your other rabbit friends know also - we have lots of bunnies looking for friendly companionship.

What's wrong with me??!!! All of a sudden I want to dig at everything, I want to bite everyone and I have this urge to spray those I love best. My human has tossed me in my cage until I "behave," and my bunny friend is hiding from me. What can I do??!!! Help!!!!

Oh-oh. Don't tell me, let me guess. You're about four months old, aren't you? Sounds to me like you've hit rabbit puberty in a big way. Your human should interpret your behavior as a sign that "the big snip" may be a good thing for you. As with all operations that require full anesthesia, spaying and neutering have their risks, but as long as you go to an experienced rabbit vet who uses safe techniques, the risks are relatively small. Before embarking on this little adventure, advise your human to procure a copy of HRRN's Austin veterinarian handout, which lists vets who said in response to a survey that they are experienced in treating rabbits. If you live outside the Austin area, call 512/444-EARS and leave a message. The HRRN volunteers will do their best to find a referral for your area.

I know an operation sounds scary, but trust me--you'll feel much calmer, and your human and rabbit friends will be a lot happier with you.